The term “personal growth” is often used loosely, but perhaps one meaning is to cultivate inner resilience by acknowledging and even welcoming whatever we’re experiencing.
A PATHOLOGICAL FEAR OF REJECTION LETTER HOW TO
We may benefit by processing our feelings with a caring, empathic therapist, as well as availing ourselves of trusted friends who know how to listen rather than dispense unwanted advice. I’ve often been in the room with clients who have experienced a devastating loss when their hopes and expectations were rudely dashed, especially when old traumas were being reactivated. We can also learn from our experience, which allows us to move forward in a more empowered way. Just as we grieve and gradually heal when someone close to us dies (often with the support of friends), we can heal when faced with rejection. We can allow ourselves to feel sorrow, loss, fear, loneliness, anger, or whatever feelings arise that are part of our grieving. If we risk opening our heart to someone who rejects us, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. We abandon others before they have a chance to reject us.
We hold back from expressing our authentic feelings. We withdraw from people rather than risk reaching out. Our aversion to unpleasant experiences prompts behaviors that don’t serve us. If we can have a more friendly, accepting relationship with the feelings that arise within us as a result of being rejected, then we can heal more readily and move on with our lives.Ī big part of our fear of rejection may be our fear of experiencing hurt and pain. For example, if a relationship fails, this doesn’t mean that we are a failure.įrom an experiential or existential viewpoint (such as Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing), working with our fear of rejection or actual rejection involves opening to our felt experience.
Cognitively-based therapies can help us identify our catastrophic thoughts, question them, and replace them with more healthy, realistic thinking. When these fear-based thoughts keep spinning in our mind, we may become agitated, anxious, or depressed. On a cognitive level, we may be afraid that rejection confirms our worst fear - perhaps that we’re unlovable, or that we’re destined to be alone, or that we have little worth or value.
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